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So just like I said in my review of The Bell Jar, there’s just something I love about complicated, unnerving female leads in a book and if Esther Greenwood was tame for you, I raise you the unnamed narrator of Acts of Desperation. I bought this book in the London Piccadilly Waterstones store and the shop assistant was so excited I was buying the book. We spoke for ages about all the accolades the book had been awarded/nominated for, as well as our love of Irish authors and complicated narrators. So it was only a matter of time until I picked this book up.
SYNOPSIS: In the first scene of this provocative gut-punch of a novel, our unnamed narrator meets a magnetic writer named Ciaran and falls, against her better judgement, completely in his power. After a brief, all-consuming romance he abruptly rejects her, sending her into a tailspin of jealous obsession and longing. If he ever comes back to her, she resolves to hang onto him and his love at all costs, even if it destroys her…
Part breathless confession, part lucid critique, Acts of Desperation renders a consciousness split between rebellion and submission, between escaping degradation and eroticizing it, between loving and being lovable. With unsettling, electric precision, Nolan dissects one of life’s most elusive mysteries: Why do we want what we want, and how do we want it?
REVIEW: I was quite confused as to what was happening to the majority of the first few chapters and I actually had to tab the time periods in order for my brain to follow where I was in the timeline. I did actually think the book was easy to follow but the structure of the book and the way it's written was slightly new to me so it took a while for my brain to navigate.
Saying that though, I demolished this book within a day and I think part of that was because of the story and also partly because of the quick, short chapters. I found the story to be a bit of a slow burner but it had real elements of absolute drama and surprises every now and then. Just enough to keep you wanting more detail on what was happening.
Our unnamed narrator is definitely a very self-destructive protagonist and her love for Ciaran was so damaging right from the start. My first impressions of Ciaran was that he seemed pretentious and traumatic and my opinion only got worse as the book progressed. There were real moments in the book that had fantastic examples of gaslighting in a relationship and I thought this was as much educational as it was upsetting.
There are also bits of the story that seemed to be written by an older narrator, looking back on the events she was transcribing and adding elements of hindsight to what happened. This all led me to question how reliable our narrator was? Although there were moments when Ciaran was a real asshole, there were also moments where she seemed to enjoy winding Ciaran up but for the sole purpose that he will give her the attention she craves.
I found the story to be very messed up and I think from reading the author's interview at the back that this story is meant to show how awful it can be when someone is in the constant pursuit of love and happiness and how that pursuit can cloud judgement and sanity.
After finishing the book, I couldn’t stop questioning why this book has been so popular and why it’s an international bestseller as it is honestly really sad and quite brutal and depressing in some parts. Some scenes made me feel physically sick. The narrator purposely put herself in these awful and degrading situations to make her feel better about herself, perhaps because she thought that she deserved it?
Considering all this, I do think that I enjoyed the reading experience of this book. I suppose every now and then I come across a book that sparks such internal dialogue within me and leaves me thinking about the narrator's motivation and the author's motivation too! So if you read this book, hit me up and we can discuss!
READ THIS IF:
🧡 you enjoy books with complicated female leads
🧡 you enjoy books that explore damaging relationships
🧡 you like a book with short chapters
🧡 you enjoy reading Irish authors
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